Always Wished To Be A "Daddy's Girl"

                                          

I was 4 when I lost my father. I had an elder brother who was in the 7th grade. I heard my mother and my aunt crying in the morning at 6:00 and I came out to see what had happened.. and there I could see Dada (my dad) lying on the bed STILL. I knew he was gone.. but I thought he would come back so I did not cry.

It has been 13 years and that scene is still fresh in my mind. I remember everything that happened. I remember that I did not feel the pain back then and now I realize the pain of losing a Father, who is supposed to be the HERO of a girl's life.

My mother told me once, "Your father WANTED a girl! He wanted me to give birth to a baby girl." I felt good.. I felt Special..and somehow I became emotional and tears started to roll down from my eyes.. I was being nostalgic. 

I remember the day when my father was counting money and I asked him to get me a Pink Frock! Though I did not get my Pink Frock.. I surely did get something else! He brought Two White rats! :D I know it's weird but they were really cute.. I named them "CHINGU-PINGU" :D 

I remembered the time when I was chewing my thumb and he told me that I looked like a Pig!! I was really scared! I didn't want to look like a Pig :( Of course he was lying.. so that I stop chewing it! 

He used to drop me to school on his bike! I love bike-rides only because of him! I feel like a free bird, I feel like I'm flying! :D

There are Many such small moments we both have spent together which I can never forget throughout my Life. Those four years of my life were the most Valuable moments I spent with him! 

I always see my friends going out with their Dads, Spending time with them, their dads getting them expensive gifts and pampering them or sometimes even Slapping or Screaming on them for their mistakes! :P But whatever it is, they're all very lucky that they have a father.. I definitely don't feel jealous but I surely feel bad. I want someone too, to slap me when I do/say something stupid, to cuddle me in his arms, to guide me, encourage me and most of all, to give his love.. 

As I grew up these feelings grew too.. It became more painful. Sometimes it was even hard to control myself from crying in front of my friends and see them being loved by their fathers..

                      



I remember the day he died, he came in my dreams the same night after the funeral, he was smiling at me. I woke up suddenly and realized that it was a dream and told my mom about it.. Since that day, I've been praying to God to send my father in my dreams again! But it never happened.. 

I was once reading 'Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul IV', there was one particular story that caught my attention. The chapter was named "When Daddy Died". I wanted to read it because I knew it was somehow related to me..so I started reading it and by the end of the story I was already in Tears! There was this one line there which made me cry the most, It said "I'm only a kid! He's not supposed to die yet! My friends all have their fathers. He's too good and too young. It isn't fair."  

As I read this line, I thought to myself " OMG! I feel the same way! :( " 

I mourned the death of my father, allowing emotion to wash over me. I cried for the loss of my childhood, for the way things used to be when my father was in our home, for the good times never to be realized, but most of all, for the person I had become.

I still feel the same way sometimes on seeing an emotional movie related to Fathers & Daughters(especially "Heyy Babyy") and I go through the same pain all over again but somehow I try and stop myself because I know he's watching me and he would never want me to cry..!

I always wished he was here.. I always think 'What would have happened now if he was alive!?'

I just hope no girl goes through the pain I went through..especially in this age when a girl needs her father the most! 

It is truly said that, "A father can be the Only Hero in a Girl's life!" :)
Because he is the ONLY man in the world who will love you all his life without any Regrets!

I would just want everyone reading this, to go and HUG their Fathers and tell them how special they truly are! I missed my chance, so don't miss yours!

I miss you dada!

Love,

Oshin.